When I was first exploring my sexuality, I often went to some of Manhattan's gay-friendly neighborhoods -- Chelsea, Midtown, Greenwich Village -- to explore that side of me. Sometimes I went to porn houses, sometimes to strip shows, sometimes to the backrooms of bars and clubs. Through it all, the newness and the forbidden nature of it made me want it even more.
A few years ago, I wrote about some of my experiences in a long, multi-part poem that I first called "Images Off Color". I have revised the poem several times since. In this latest version, I changed the title to "Evolution by the Numbers". I present the first part here. Other parts will follow.
Evolution by the Numbers
1. The Lure
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| "I prowl darkend streets, neon flickering." |
Darkened streets.
Neon flickers, offering tawdry amusements.
Seedy dives, peep shows, beckon.
I should not linger here, but they call.
Why does my pulse race?
I am of age to do what I desire.
I enter dark halls --
Shadows conceal lust and sex.
Unsure, I pause in this place of men,
Shadow-dwellers.
There is freedom in the shadows --
Freedom to be and to dare --
I embrace it.
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