Posting #300!

A lot of things have happened to me since I began this blog back in May of 2009 – I lost a couple of jobs, said good-bye to my Grandmother and my very first lover, survived a hurricane and played host to friends who lost their homes, found the love of my life when our third partner/lover moved back to Philadelphia, took a couple of road trips, got married, and discovered I have a half-brother when our father died.

All these changes, both voluntary and beyond my control, made me realize something – I am very lucky!  I have friends I enjoy hanging out with, a brother and a husband I love, a family that is larger than I ever thought was possible and enough money that I don’t have to work if I don’t want to.

When I was still in school and Grandma was still alive and in charge, I wasn’t very smart about things.  I fucked around and stuck my dick in places I probably shouldn’t have, never once considering the consequences.  I was a real cock-hound, sucking and fucking whenever I could.  It made for a great sex life, but it sometimes left me feeling empty and I sometimes wondered if I would ever have what Grandma had with my Grandfather.  In school, I was a bit of a loner and looking back now my Goth phase did not help me win many friends.  Those sexual encounters I had were brief, mostly anonymous quickies in back rooms, back allies and men’s room stalls.  Sometimes I spent the night with some guy who picked me up in a bar.  But other than Eddie, I didn’t think I would ever have a long-term lover, until Ian entered my life.  And even that relationship got turned sideways when Billy entered the picture.

I hope I’ve grown up some in the last few years.

Ian is the only man I have sex with now, but it is far from boringly-simple sucking and fucking.  We play, we experiment and let’s not forget the playroom in the basement were we indulge in our kinky fantasies of leather, bondage and cbt.  Just the other weekend, I had Ian at my mercy, all tied up, and I shaved him completely from the neck down before I fucked him.  

T.J. and I have gotten very close.  We hang out, go to movies, play basketball in the driveway, do all sorts of brotherly things.  He brings his buddies home after school and they’re cool that he has a gay, married brother and they’re not shy about asking questions.  And I’m as honest as and as straightforward as I can be with them.

Since T.J. is in his Senior Year, he and I and Ian have been looking at college brochures for the past few weeks and because of our finances, expensive, out-of-state colleges like the ones I wanted to apply to when I was a high school senior but couldn’t afford, are within the realm of the possible now.  T.J. still isn’t sure what he wants to major in, so right now, we’re looking at schools with strong liberal arts programs.  I’ve been helping him sort through all the college stuff, but there is just so much to consider; this parenting thing isn’t as easy as they make it look on TV!

Even though T.J. and I are close, it isn’t all sunshine and roses.  We’ve had a couple of major fights and shouting matches.  We had one towards the end of last August over his driving my car without permission and it got very intense and very loud!  When I grounded him, he laughed and started walking away.  I grabbed his arm and he shook me loose then shoved me.  I fell backward, landed badly and ended up with a broken wrist and a concussion!  When Ian came running into the kitchen, T.J. was on the floor next to me, crying like a baby, saying he was sorry.  Ian was pissed!  It didn’t matter to him that T.J. can bench-press nearly 250 pounds or that it was a stupid accident.  All that mattered was that I was hurt and it was T.J.’s fault.  After we got home from the emergency room, T.J. retreated to his room and was so afraid of what I would do, he walked on eggshells whenever he was around me until I sat him down and talked to him.  By the time we were done, he was crying into my shoulder like he did the day we first met.  I sometimes forget that despite his appearance, he’s still a kid and a sensitive kid at that.

Things are fine now, and he realizes that, even though I’m not his father, I am the one who makes the rules; especially when it comes to sex.

It’s been just over a year since T.J. has come to live with me and Ian and the one place that has always been off-limits to him has been the basement playroom.  That’s just for me and Ian.  It’s where we can be as kinky as we want, be as physically painful as we can stand and be safe with our sex play.  T.J. understood that when I explained it to him when he first arrived, or at least I thought he understood.

Last June I caught him in the playroom rummaging through our toys.  I stood in the doorway for a few minutes watching him try to figure out what some of the things were for.  And when he turned around and saw me standing there, he turned beet red from embarrassment.  When I asked him what he was doing, he said the door was open and he was curious.  I couldn’t fault him for his curiosity, after all the room had been off-limits to him.  So I told him I would answer any questions he had.  I spent nearly half an hour in the playroom with him, explaining what some of the things were and what they were for, like the electro-wands, the pinwheels, the nipple clamps, the different nut crushers and the various penis wands and plugs we have.  I even showed him the paddles and floggers we have. Needless to say, he has never ventured into the playroom again!  He couldn’t have been more embarrassed if he had walked in on me and Ian fucking!

When it came to T.J. having sex, I told him there was no need to be secretive about it.  If he wanted to do it, all I asked of him was that he and his partner used precaution and stayed in his room or in the bathroom while they were doing it.  I did not want to walk in on him any more than he would want to walk in on me and Ian.  So far, T.J.’s sex life hasn’t been an issue and although I not 100% sure, I think he may still be a virgin.  I know T.J. is into girls, he’s dated two or three since he’s been here, but I don’t think they’ve done anything serious yet.

Ian and I have talked about having kids; either adopting or going the surrogacy route but we haven’t decided anything yet, after all we have only been married for seven and a half months.  There’s plenty of time to have kids.  And yeah, I think I do want more than one.

So there you have it.  My life, my hopes and dreams for the future.  I never thought it would happen, but it has.  Isn’t Life Great!